The New Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2012

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as posted on www.amotherworld.com

I spy my husband’s truck pulling around to our home. I see the red balloons bopping up in the passenger’s seat. I do not tell our daughters that daddy will be home any minute. A smile reaches my lips when I recall the Valentine’s Days of our past, or rather before we had kids.

On our first Valentine’s Day we never saw each other. I had high school classes and he had to work. After Social Studies I went to my locker. I felt bummed that for the first time having a boyfriend on V Day  I will not see him. The previous year, my boyfriend had broken up with me the day before Valentine’s Day.  I turned my lock and unclicked it. As I swing open the door I got confused for a second. There was a white long box in my locker. Then I realised they were roses from him. I opened the box and smelled the fragrant flowers. I could not stop smiling all through the rest of the day. For years after we never went all out for Valentine’s Day. How could he top the one that meant so much, so I never expect it?

Since being parents, we stay in for February 14th. As our girls get older we have made the day more about family love. My husband brings home a small gift for each. Having girls, we desire to set the precedent that they are worth being acknowledged and loved. For dinner we either order out for a Boston Pizza heart shaped pizza or we cook favorite foods.  One year we ate all red foods like tomato sauce with pasta, cupcakes and, for us, red wine.

After the paper plates (no cleaning required) are cleared, we break out a game. Our favorite right now is playing Wii bowling. We cheer each other on as we take our turns. For bedtime story we read a special story like: Clifford We Love You.  We laugh and enjoy our special night. When they get even older, we probably will not see them for dinner on that day. Right now, I love that we make it about us being together.

 

Things I learned when I Took a Break from Blogging

February 6, 2012

@just_d_world Full Day Kindergartern, Marriage, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama , 2 Comments

 

Over the Christmas holidays I retired my keyboard. The pressure to blog became a burden and not a fun thing to spend my time on. I enjoyed the time with my family and read over nine books. Over the month I learned many things:

  1. The best writers are readers. Stephen King said that. While I do not consider myself a great writer, I do respect that writers need to be readers. I love reading. It has been a passion of mine since I began a love of reading at the age of two. It is a great way to learn how to write.
  2. My daughters’ rock.  My oldest has begun to read a lot more. By taking my love of reading she has excelled at enjoying books. My youngest has begun her therapy to help her autistic behaviours. It has only been a week and she is rocking the play therapy.
  3. My husband got the household Apple TV. We have discovered a love via Netflix to catch up on series that we never caught the first time around. We are spending more time together hanging out. He is still handsome after all these years.
  4. I never left home without a journal. I wrote quick notes about ideas and what has been happening in my day.
  5. I no longer feel like writing is an obligation. I have been writing for over three years. A break can be very healthy for the soul. I took the time I didn’t blog to experience the above mentioned. Also, I stopped talking about writing a book and have actually started it. I am on the editing part of the first three chapters and am in love with the journey.

Have you taken a break for something? What was your experience?

Book Review: MWF seeks BFF

February 3, 2012

@just_d_world Book reviews, My Women's Post Book Reviews, Women's Post , Leave a comment

 

My year long search for a new best friend

By Rachel Bertsche

When Rachel finally lives in the same city as her boyfriend, she realizes she misses having best friends locally. She makes a plan to go on 52 friend dates within a year. After all, having a spouse and kids doesn’t increase your chance of survival- friends do. She puts the same energy into finding a new best friend as one would going through the dating rituals. Rachel writes scientific facts that she researched along the way.

“.. Facebook is a blessing and a curse.”

“Sure, it helps us keep track of people with whom we otherwise would have fallen out of touch. But sometimes relationships fade for a reason. They’re better left a memory.”

The quotes are very true. This book is a very engaging and funny story of her search for a new best friend.

I had an opportunity to ask Rachel some questions about this book and beyond. Here they are:

 

 

  1. Does it still feel like dating with your friends you made during your search?
    Luckily, no. It’s been about two years since starting my friend search. Now when I’m with the friends I made during that year, it feels like regular friendship. It doesn’t necessarily feel like it does when I’m with my lifelong BFFs, but I definitely feel like we’re legit friends now, not testing each other out.

    2. Did they know you were writing about them? Have they read the book?
    Most of the women knew I was writing a book about friendship, and I’ve heard from a lot of them since the book came out. So far, everyone has been really pleased with it! I hope that will continue.

    3. Is it true about the size of the brain determines how many relationships you can maintain?
    Well, the Dunbar Number is certainly a real thing. The Dunbar number says that the limit to how many people with whom one can maintain social relationships is “a direct function of relative neocortex size.” The neocortex is one part of the brain… so that is where that claim comes from.

    4. Why do you think young people are dropping out of church? Not a great meeting place?
    I’m sure you’re referring to the research that says a 2007 survey of Protestants aged 18-30 found that 25 percent of them had dropped out of the church entirely. I’m not really qualified to guess why people are dropping out of church–mostly because I’ve never been to church myself (I’m Jewish). So I don’t feel totally comfortable hypothesizing why people are leaving. I’ve certainly heard from many people that church and temple groups have helped them make friends, so I know it’s still connecting people to a large extent. I joined a group for young Jews in Chicago and met one great friend, so I truly believe religious institutions can help people connect if they want it to.

    5. Any advice for writers beginning their book journey?
    Yes –WRITE! Just write. I’ve talked to a lot of aspiring writers who are dying to know the ins and outs of publishing. They are planning which editors or magazines they are going to send their work to long before they’ve written one word. Before you plan your publishing deal or book party, you need to get words on the page. So my advice is to sit down in front of the computer and just write until you’ve got a story, or at least a good chunk of it, on the page. Books start with words and paragraphs and chapters. All the other stuff–the book deals, promotion, etc–come later.

    6. What is next for you?
    I’m still figuring that out myself! I’m at work on my next book proposal, but nothing is set in stone. At the moment, I’m concentrating on getting MWF Seeking BFF out to people, and I’m also at work on various freelance projects.

 

 

#50BookPedge UPDATE

January 29, 2012

@just_d_world book contest, Book reviews, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama , Leave a comment

Of Love and Evil

By Anne Rice

The second book of the Songs of the Seraphim series continues the metaphysical journey of angels and assains. The main character, toby O’Dare, is summoned by the angel Malchiah again. This time to investigate the poisoning of an important nobleman and prevent a dybbulk to continue. When he is very deep into his orders a dark terro closes in around him.

Her most famous character, Lestat made vmpaires look devilish long before Twilight came to light. This book is very stand alon, meaning you don’t need to read the first book, Angel Time, to catch up. This book made me want to though.

Starmaker

Life as a Hollywood Publicist

By Jay Bernstein as told to Larry Cortez Hamm

This Hollywood memoir is the story of Jay Bernstein, an entertainment industry fixture who helped launch and sustain the careers of many including Farrah Fawcett and Suzanne Somers. From his first job in a Hollywood mail room to the ownership of his own public relations firm and his work as a personal manager and television producer, Bernstein’s life is scribed in his own voice. In addition to his rise, Bernstein also describes the relationships he had with stars and relates the stories behind some of the crazy stunts he pulled to garner attention, such as paying women to throw hotel keys at Tom Jones, having Entertainment Tonight host Mary Hart’s legs insured for one million dollars, and getting married underwater for an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Written with style and a sense of humor, this autobiography shares the intimate details of Jay Bernstein’s starmaker life.

He died with Farrah Fawcett at his side. Written by his closest confidant, it is a honest Hollywood memoir.

Hope is Better than Fear

Paying Jack Layton Forward

By Many Contributors

On August 22, 2011, Jack Layton lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. There was an immediate outpouring of grief which crossed the country and party lines. No other politician in Canada’s history has inspired this kind of spontaneous display of sorrow at his loss – clearly, Jack was loved!
It consists of several essays by various contributors who knew and worked with Jack throughout his long political career. They write passionately about his tireless fight for the marginalized in Canada. They discuss his fights for the rights of women, more and better environmental protections, and for the Arts in Canada. He was the first politician to visit remote northern Ontario reserves when there was no political gain to be won; he marched in gay pride parades before it became politically cool to do so. He was shunned when he first argued for Canada’s withdrawal from Afghanistan, an idea which is now Canada’s policy.

This letter is reprinted in the book and the title refers to a line at the end of the letter:

“…love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.
So let us be loving, hopeful, and optimistic and we’ll change the world.”

The net proceeds will be donated to two charities designated by Jack’s widow, the National Aboriginal Achievement Foundation and Shannen’s Dream, named in honour of Shannen Koostachin and dedicated to continuing her fight for equal school rights for First Nations children.

9 down 41 more to go for #50bookPledge

Repost: My first Christmas without my mom

December 16, 2011

@just_d_world Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama Leave a comment

December 25th, 1984

Mommy,

It’s our first Christmas without you. There are little decorations up. Dad told me last week that you left a lot of bills so I could only pick one present. I had to help him pick a few things for my baby sister because she still believes in Santa Claus. I have not believed since last year so I really didn’t care. I just don’t care to celebrate anymore. On top of it all, we are at your parents’ house for Christmas because Dad had to work or he did not want us home. I don’t know what else to say so I will say Merry Christmas. I have to help set up for the big dinner tonight.

Love,

Nicole

Renewed Christmas

November 28, 2011

@just_d_world Loss Of My Mom, Marriage, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama Leave a comment

“Bye. Talk soon. I love you. “I hang up the phone. I just fleshed out the Christmas plans with my sister. She is the closest family we have near and will be spending dinner at her house. We are keeping plans and times loose. I will call her after my kids open their gifts. No pressure of schedules. We can spend the morning in our pajamas! This is new to us. We spent year after year rushing to get out of the house to visit family in the next city. Spend all day there and have to travel back in the same day. It made for an exhausting time. I can’t stop smiling at the new plan.

Also, what makes us giddy for this Christmas is last year we didn’t know if my sister would make it to this one. She spent last year in the hospital healing from her second cancer surgery. As a family, we spent Christmas lunch in the hospital cafeteria. Even though the kids had fun, it was the bleakest, darkest Christmas ever.

I once dreaded this Christmas for another reason. I turned 38 two months ago. It’s the age my mother died. Rationally I know that I might not have the same fate as her. The fear is still emblazed on my heart. Once my sister was in the clear for the second time, it was my wake-up call. Life is too short. It takes more energy to be negative than happy.

I owe it to my children to make their tinsel memories filled with delights, not darkness. My mom gave me that gift. I only knew what she really went through when I was older. My daughters are very perceptive to how I feel. That motivates me to be a better mom by being happy with the now.

I will work on giving my mother’s only grandchildren the same happy and positive mom she gave me. It feels so freeing to not only survive being motherless, but thriving by rewriting my story. I confirm the details with my husband. He, too, looks forward to not rushing on Christmas Day and celebrating our small and happy family.

Our daughters come running in and we make a family hug. I love how this Christmas will be the best one because we will be together, in happiness.

Empire Theatres Holiday Treat For You

November 23, 2011

@just_d_world Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama , Leave a comment

Kids are snug in their beds as I pour over the Christmas Gift List with my husband. For the most part, we can fill in what to get loved ones. We hesitate at the few hard-to-get folks. You know, the ones that tell you to not get them anything. It is always a struggle to get them something they don’t have, or don’t need.

I remember working many years in retail and trying to help customers fill their gift list. Almost everyone had one or two challenging gifts to pick out. With the postal costs rising, sending large packages across Canada to family is over-stretching our gift budget. When I worked in malls I would be done my shopping by Halloween. I do not like the crowds at the holiday time.

I remember how much fun it is to get a gift card. There is never any strife to return or exchange.  I remember a favorite from last year when I was given an Empire Theatres gift card bundle. As a stay-at-home mom going to the theatre is a rare occasion. The bundle included coupons for the upcoming months for admissions and concession deals. We used every last one.

This year Empire Theatres has brought back the popular bundle. When you purchase $30.00 in Empire Theatres’ Gift Cards you will receive an additional $30.00 in Empire Theatre Coupons. For example: If you buy 3 cards for $10.00 each you get the bundle. If you purchase $60.00 you get two coupon bundles.

Coupon Bundle includes:
BOGO Admission (January 9 to January 31, 2012)
$2.00 off any Combo – excluding Kid’s Pack (January 9 to January 31, 2012)

$9.99 (Admission, Regular Drink, Small Popcorn) (February 1st to February 29th, 2012)
Buy a Large Popcorn, get a Large Drink Free (March 1st to March 31st, 2012)
$6.99 General Admission(March 1st to March 31st, 2012)
Get $4.00 off a General Admission Ticket(April 1st to April 30th, 2012)

Also, the Gift Tins are back again this year to be used as a “gift box”. Empire Theatres are selling them for $1.00  plus tax with the net proceeds going to Kids Help Phone. Anyone can purchase a Tin; you do not have to purchase $30 in Gift cards mentioned in this post to be able to purchase one. You can even purchase them online.

To learn more about Empire Theatres and their Holiday Gift Pack Bundles – check out their site at: http://www.empiretheatres.com/gift Available until December 24th.

Now as a busy mom, I love online shopping. I adore that Empire Theatres allows easy gift card shopping on their site. I can put them on my wish list!

With the list done, my husband and I pour a glass of wine. Shopping done in our pjs with wine = stress-free!

Disclosure – I am participating in the Empire Theatre Gift Card Holiday Campaign by Mom Central Canada. I received compensation for my participation in this campaign. The opinions on this blog are my own.

Motherless FTW!!!

November 21, 2011

@just_d_world Marriage, Mommy minute, Motherless Mama 2 Comments

 

With my pen in hand to update the holiday calendar, I flip the page over to November. It seems like a lifetime ago it was this time last year. I was feeling very down. Not only was my sister going to be in the hospital for cancer surgery and miss Christmas, but I was missing my mom.  If it were not for my kids, I would have happily skipped the holidays.  Christmas has not been the same since our last Christmas together when I was ten years old.

And now it is one year later and I am looking forward to the holidays once again. My plans to make a new holiday tradition are being received by my family well. We will be opening gifts, eat a lot and have fun. Then, we will proceed to my sister’s house to celebrate the holiday. Yes, she has since been cancer-free again after two major surgeries. We have a lot to celebrate.

What changed it for me was turning 38 last month. I dreaded that birthday for over 25 years. It’s the age that my mom died. I know, logistically, I should see my 39th birthday. My soul can’t be positive. So my brain took over. If this is might be my last Christmas with my family then I want them to remember it as a happy one. A happy verses a depressed me makes more sense.

I will always love my mom. I never knew her as an adult. On bad days I do feel dark in the heart. I need to remember that today is now. I owe it to my children to make their memories filled with delights and not dark. My mom did that for me. I never knew what she was really going through until I became an adult and more details arose of her final months.

I hear my friends complain turning 40. I can’t wait. It’s what my mom didn’t get to do. I will work on giving her granddaughters the same happy and positive mom that she gave me.  I start to fill in the calendar with all my daughters Christmas and birthday events. I am amazed at myself. Once I felt that I am just surviving being motherless. With my new found faith in life, I feel like I am thriving.

 

Helpless Nights

November 17, 2011

@just_d_world Marriage, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama Leave a comment

 

The cries pelt through he night like a thunder storm. I rise on auto-pilot and race towards my daughter’s bedroom. I am met at the door by my youngest that is waking up from a nightmare of sorts. I scoop her up and unlock the safety gate to go downstairs so the rest of the house does not wake up.

I go to our usual spot on the main floor, the brown Lazy boy rocking chair. I start rocking and rocking. As my brain begins to wake-up the emotions start to bubble in my heart. It has been five years of overnight duty that I have done. I did it for many reasons, not to mention that my girls needed me. It was a feeling I all too well shared with them. I am thirty-eight – years old and I still want my mommy. Only, my mommy has been passed for some time. I am still here.

The only light that is illuminating is from the kitchen a few feet away. I look around at the oh so familiar sights. Many nights I have stared at the walls thinking, dreaming and mostly, feeling helpless. I don’t know what else to do for my children when they wake with such trauma. All I know is to hug them, cuddle them and to soothe them.

The tears start to fall from my face as I realize that it is three o-clock in the wee hours. I will have no hope to sleep before my oldest daughter and husband wake up and come down for breakfast. It is no wonder why I am grumpy a lot, if not all the time. I miss sleep.

My three-year-old hugs my neck tight, lets out a sigh and nestles her sweet head in the crook of my shoulder. Maybe I am not helpless after all. She starts to softly snore and then goes into a full train engine sound. While she may not remember the nights, I will. I was her rescuer. Both my daughters know that I am here, always.

My Kinder Moments

October 24, 2011

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Just in time for school, Halloween and every occasion, Kinder comes out with a wonderful new Facebook application called Kinder Moments. If you have a holiday pic or a just-cause pic, you can upload your picture to Kinder Moments to frame it online.

When this announcement came I began looking through my Facebook album pictures for a moment I wanted to share. I came across the one below and was taken back in time. The cold January day had us a little stir crazy at home. When the sun came out I bundled my two- and-a-half year old and ten-month old daughters out for a walk to the store for some groceries.

On the way back, my oldest begged to stop at the park. I was already cold and had a million things to do at home before dinner. I relented when I had seen her keen face. My youngest was barely crawling at that point. So, I nudged her in the toddler swing. It was a little hard to do considering her snow pants and winter jacket.

Just then, my oldest ran across the park screaming “I want to push my sister!!” I was hesitant because I was concerned she wouldn’t do it slow. I stood by, ready to jump. She faced her sister and started to push her sister nice and slow. The squeals coming from my youngest jolted me to get my camera. When I hit click I realized I captured a pure sister moment. I almost felt like I was intruding. The swing lasted for a few moments. Then, in true toddler fashion, they were done.

It is a few years later from that precious day as I play around with the application of My Kinder Moments. My view is, I would have preferred an easier landscape vs. portrait option smoother. I did love how fast and easy it was to navigate and post to Facebook to share with my friends and family.

Thank you to Kinder for making this Moment perfect.

Have you liked Kinder on Facebook? Look on the left side of the page is a tab labeled My Kinder Moments; this is where you can frame your Kinder Moments. And this month there is a prize!!

Every time you load a picture this month, you will be entered to win $500 gift card to treat yourself to a new Fall Wardrobe. I can’t win as I am a #kindermom but would love for my friends to win.

Disclosure: I am part of the Kinder Mom program and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog are my own.

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